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We’re driving home from our friends house/movie/dinner/arcade/ again
They’re holding hands and singing in the front seat
And I’m still in the backseat alone
Life is full of laughs and smiles
Love and brotherhood
But I don’t know where I fit in it
I can only look out the window and think of so many music videos starring me
Before all I’m left with are my thoughts
I don’t think I’m happy
But I don’t know myself well enough to know
For those of you who don’t know me either
I am pieces of everyone else
I was born with a broken soul
Which I blame part on my families history of mental illness
And part on my own selfishness
My proudest achievement was standing in front of my class and sharing a story
That I stole from somebody else
Oddly enough I was grateful that someone called me out on it
I feel bad for the people like me
We sit in the corner at parties
Because we have to see how we’re supposed to smile
We tell the jokes and share the thoughts
That somebody else wrote
We look for love in the people like us
Not realizing that none of us leave our bedrooms
I envy the people who haven’t met us
All I am are pieces of everybody else
Stolen from the windows to their soul
Their humor, their style, their joy
And pieced together in a disrespectful homage
They say that a great artist steals
But stained glass windows aren’t as appreciated as they used to be
How does everyone else do it?
How do we hide
From that part of ourselves that tell us
“You’re not original”
Are you happy?
What have I done to deserve to feel like this?
Happy endings are for shady massage clinics and movies
I’ve been waiting for my good deeds to make it back to me
And I thought she and a ring was going to be that for me
But good deeds often go unnoticed
And I’m still in the backseat alone
Where did I go wrong
I’m in a badly written nightmare
Please just let me wake up
I can’t wake up
Let me pull out my wallet and buy some of that joy everybody talks about so much
That Dobrik and Pewdiepie show off on YouTube
Im just waiting for my heart to restart
Can someone please pass me a fucking cigarette
My head is swimming
I can’t stop picturing the faces of Jessica
And Lily
And their hands slipping through my fingers
Of my moms disappointed look when she learned that god had left my life
How does everyone else do this
I can’t stop this screaming in my fucking head
PLEASE
JUST
LET
ME
SLEEP
I want to go home
I want to feel something real for once
Maybe one more hit will cure me
Maybe one more tattoo will get someone to notice me
And one more pair of Ray Bans to get someone to look me in the eye
Please acknowledge me
I don’t deserve it
Nelson I’m sorry
For ruining the work and encouragement you put into me
Mom I’m sorry
I don’t see you anymore
Dad I’m sorry
For hurting your nameI don’t deserve it
I’m scared that you’ll forget my name
Or the sound of my voice
Or the wrinkles around my eyes when I smile for pictures
We’re driving home from our friends house/movie/dinner/arcade/ again
And I’m still in the backseat alone
All I want is somebody’s hand to hold
But all I’ll ever be
Is the backseat driver
Why am I so hard to love?
