Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V

We’re driving home from our friends house/movie/dinner/arcade/ again

They’re holding hands and singing in the front seat

And I’m still in the backseat alone

Life is full of laughs and smiles

Love and brotherhood

But I don’t know where I fit in it

I can only look out the window and think of so many music videos starring me

Before all I’m left with are my thoughts

I don’t think I’m happy

But I don’t know myself well enough to know

For those of you who don’t know me either

I am pieces of everyone else

I was born with a broken soul

Which I blame part on my families history of mental illness

And part on my own selfishness

My proudest achievement was standing in front of my class and sharing a story

That I stole from somebody else

Oddly enough I was grateful that someone called me out on it

I feel bad for the people like me

We sit in the corner at parties

Because we have to see how we’re supposed to smile

We tell the jokes and share the thoughts

That somebody else wrote 

We look for love in the people like us

Not realizing that none of us leave our bedrooms

I envy the people who haven’t met us

All I am are pieces of everybody else

Stolen from the windows to their soul

Their humor, their style, their joy

And pieced together in a disrespectful homage

They say that a great artist steals

But stained glass windows aren’t as appreciated as they used to be

How does everyone else do it?

How do we hide

From that part of ourselves that tell us

“You’re not original”

Are you happy?

What have I done to deserve to feel like this?

Happy endings are for shady massage clinics and movies

I’ve been waiting for my good deeds to make it back to me

And I thought she and a ring was going to be that for me

But good deeds often go unnoticed 

And I’m still in the backseat alone

Where did I go wrong

I’m in a badly written nightmare

Please just let me wake up

I can’t wake up

Let me pull out my wallet and buy some of that joy everybody talks about so much

That Dobrik and Pewdiepie show off on YouTube

Im just waiting for my heart to restart

Can someone please pass me a fucking cigarette

My head is swimming 

I can’t stop picturing the faces of Jessica

And Lily

And their hands slipping through my fingers

Of my moms disappointed look when she learned that god had left my life

How does everyone else do this

I can’t stop this screaming in my fucking head

PLEASE

JUST

LET

ME

SLEEP

I want to go home

I want to feel something real for once

Maybe one more hit will cure me

Maybe one more tattoo will get someone to notice me

And one more pair of Ray Bans to get someone to look me in the eye

Please acknowledge me

Nelson I’m sorry

For ruining the work and encouragement you put into me

Mom I’m sorry

I don’t see you anymore

Dad I’m sorry

For hurting your name
I don’t deserve it

I’m scared that you’ll forget my name

Or the sound of my voice

Or the wrinkles around my eyes when I smile for pictures

We’re driving home from our friends house/movie/dinner/arcade/ again

And I’m still in the backseat alone

All I want is somebody’s hand to hold

But all I’ll ever be

Is the backseat driver

Why am I so hard to love?