All of it belongs to her

115,200 times a day
42,048,000 times a year
3,363,840,000 times in a lifetime
But there have only been three times my heartbeat has ever felt real to me

1. I was born a little prematurely, 6 weeks, and I had a weak heart when I was born (one of the many reasons I don't play sports, stop asking). It was incredibly important to my family that I kept fighting, and although I don't remember it, I sure as hell am grateful I did.

2. My first time on stage. 3rd grade, the storytelling festival at school, I performed The True Story of the Three Little Piggies in front of everyone.

3. My confessions to her. About 2 months ago.

I poured out my heart and confessed my sins to her, and although they were great in number, the number of times she forgave me outnumbered my faults.

It took me three years of trial and error
28 group dates
One crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Two times being stood up on a date
and one accidental gay date (don't ask)
to figure all of this out
Now, if you give me a pen and a pad I can write everything I need to say, but stand me on a snow-filled mountain next to her at sunset, and my brain stops working. 
I want her to know that that doesn't mean my heart isn't working, it's just working on me.

If I had an entire year and a perfect vocabulary I still could not define the way I feel when I'm with her. They say teenagers can't feel this way, that it's a collection of hormones and puberty, that everything I'm feeling is fake. But I swear that my escalated heartbeat and sweaty palms are real.

There's so much I need to say, but I don't have enough time and space in the world.
I just want her to know that I don't care who her ex is
because I always hated the way he looked in glasses anyways
And I don't care that she hates the way she looks without makeup
because her smiles makes any day light up like Christmas
I just want her to know that those nights we learned the truth about each other means more to me that all the time I've spent in church learning the truth about God. And that's a lot coming from an Agnostic.
I just want her to know that I'd rather stay up listening to her voice than sleep, and she knows how much I like sleeping ;)
That she's the reason I'm questioning whether a move across an entire continent is worth it
That every cent I spend on terrible fast food is worth it if it gives me an excuse just to see her
I just want her to know that my heart is full
And all of it belongs to her