I was gonna do a video but I'm lazy sometimes

So, here we are.

I'd like to introduce myself (again)
Hi, my name is tosh
And I am
A Comedian
Super rich
TV show host
Constantly on tour

Alright in all honesty that's who I pretended to be.
The truth is, I'm not actually tosh. I never stood on a stage and spoke from my heart
But I do believe that money can buy happiness

Let me try this again.
Hi, my name is Jake
And I am
A filmmaker
An aspiring writer
A wanderer
A storyteller
In the back row 90% of the time

Some things you may find interesting about me:
I am constantly in charge of Uknighted, so you're welcome
I was almost published my sophomore year (well, sorta)
I was accepted into the University of Gothenburg in Göteborg, Sweden just a few months ago
Don't really care about BYU v Utah
Identify as a hopeful agnostic
Not a rapper

Ive never been one of those kids who had a lot to feel
In fact when I listen to so many people pour their hearts out all I can do is sit in the back and wonder where they got it all from
I hate learning about certain things, because it takes the mystery away from life
I'd rather dream of the stars than see them for myself
I'd rather write a script for a movie for a perfect reveal than go out and shoot it
I'd rather pretend that I've performed in front of my class than actually feel the anxiety of sitting in the 'next' chair
I'm just scared that my teeth aren't white enough

Thanks for giving me a shot

Sinceriously
Jake West

All of it belongs to her

115,200 times a day
42,048,000 times a year
3,363,840,000 times in a lifetime
But there have only been three times my heartbeat has ever felt real to me

1. I was born a little prematurely, 6 weeks, and I had a weak heart when I was born (one of the many reasons I don't play sports, stop asking). It was incredibly important to my family that I kept fighting, and although I don't remember it, I sure as hell am grateful I did.

2. My first time on stage. 3rd grade, the storytelling festival at school, I performed The True Story of the Three Little Piggies in front of everyone.

3. My confessions to her. About 2 months ago.

I poured out my heart and confessed my sins to her, and although they were great in number, the number of times she forgave me outnumbered my faults.

It took me three years of trial and error
28 group dates
One crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Two times being stood up on a date
and one accidental gay date (don't ask)
to figure all of this out
Now, if you give me a pen and a pad I can write everything I need to say, but stand me on a snow-filled mountain next to her at sunset, and my brain stops working. 
I want her to know that that doesn't mean my heart isn't working, it's just working on me.

If I had an entire year and a perfect vocabulary I still could not define the way I feel when I'm with her. They say teenagers can't feel this way, that it's a collection of hormones and puberty, that everything I'm feeling is fake. But I swear that my escalated heartbeat and sweaty palms are real.

There's so much I need to say, but I don't have enough time and space in the world.
I just want her to know that I don't care who her ex is
because I always hated the way he looked in glasses anyways
And I don't care that she hates the way she looks without makeup
because her smiles makes any day light up like Christmas
I just want her to know that those nights we learned the truth about each other means more to me that all the time I've spent in church learning the truth about God. And that's a lot coming from an Agnostic.
I just want her to know that I'd rather stay up listening to her voice than sleep, and she knows how much I like sleeping ;)
That she's the reason I'm questioning whether a move across an entire continent is worth it
That every cent I spend on terrible fast food is worth it if it gives me an excuse just to see her
I just want her to know that my heart is full
And all of it belongs to her

Boyd

I'm going to tell you a story.

Some of you may have visited a building not too far from us, called the Developmental Center. It's a facility for the mentally and physically handicapped to go and live in and receive treatment and help from the State. 

I'm absolutely terrified of that building.

Let me tell you why.

My great-grandfather Arnold had a little brother named Boyd. Boyd was born perfect, his only blemish a simple allergy. Seeing as this was the 40's, however, Boyd's parents did not discover this allergy until much later.

One thing you should know about your body: if you're allergic to something, let's say milk, and you expose yourself to it, like drinking milk a lot, then you're going to have some problems. This was the case with Boyd. 

Due to a lot of exposure to milk growing up, Boyd received a heavy amount of brain damage, rendering him mentally handicapped. 

This seemingly slipped past Arnold. He and Boyd were inseparable, they were described as being "best buddies". Nothing could come between them (except for my great-grandma).

Arnold was married and moved away to pursue his career in Geology. He had a wonderful life ahead of him.

A few years later he came home to visit. He entered his house, only to find that Boyd was not there. After a little digging, he discovered that his parents did not share his view on his little brother. They had grown tired of dealing with his behavior and had taken him to the Utah State Developmental Center in American Fork. Arnold tried the best he could to help his brother, to get him out of the facility, but because he was under state care and still under his parent's custody, there was nothing he could do.

His parents never visited him. He died a few years later. 

I'm terrified of being forgotten. 

If I have one wish in life, it would be that at least one person in the world will remember me. And if I go crazy, someone will come and hold my hand, and look out the window with me.

You'll remember me, won't you?

HOW TO TWERK

HOW TO TWERK
Ever wanted to feel like your favorite messed up disney character?

NOTE: For the confused mormons who see exposed skin, those are called SHOULDERS
For craps sake Lone Peak, your dress code is killing me.

If you want to turn out like everyone's favorite disappointment, 
YOUVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE

So here you go: HOW TO TWERK
Step 1: Squat down
Step 2: Reconsider