PEACE OUT GIRL SCOUT
Hei Ydmyke Publikum
My Silent Confessions (don't judge me)
How am I alive?
Seriously, how can you prove it?
There is an entire theory dedicated to the idea that we are all holograms on the largest computer ever, simply living in someone else's reality. So, as you read this, you could very well question that you're Player 1, and that everything you're reading is simply put there for you to read. Your agency would therefore be an illusion, and your thoughts would not belong to you.
So, please prove you're not a robot.
This is what I know.
I have opinions on several things that sets me apart from everyone. My personality is strong enough that I could ask a girl on a date and not break down from being too nervous. And I have been asked on occasion what it's like to be a 6/10 (true story, one time I was compared to a garden gnome by a very rude little girl in Olive Garden).
Here are a few of those opinions.
1. I absolutely hate when people call me rich. Seriously, if you come to my house and call me rich I will backhand you through a granite wall (that's a joke, they're all made out of the same stuff everyone else has)
2. Football is literally the dumbest thing to ever be invented. We made a sport for big empty-headed people so they could stay out of trouble and then we pay said people for it. It's seriously stupid.
3. High School is probably one of the greatest things ever. I mean yeah homework sucks and some teachers are the spawn of Satan himself, but you have to admit that you look forward to hanging out with people in the one place that everyone gathers.
4. I don't want to live in America anymore. I applied to go to college in another country where I will have to pay a LOT more than I would have to here just so I can get away from the politics and social problems that America is having some serious struggles with.
I hope you don't agree with all of those.
Because if you did, I'd think that you were a robot.
I don't want to be Kyle Nelson teaching 12th graders things they should've learned at 12 years old.
I don't want to be Coach Schoonover with my bald head and big tall legs and a shirt I outgrew when I was like 10.
I don't want to be Greg Dean with two kids and a desk job at Adobe.
I don't want to be you.
I just want to be me.
peace out girl scout
Seriously, how can you prove it?
There is an entire theory dedicated to the idea that we are all holograms on the largest computer ever, simply living in someone else's reality. So, as you read this, you could very well question that you're Player 1, and that everything you're reading is simply put there for you to read. Your agency would therefore be an illusion, and your thoughts would not belong to you.
So, please prove you're not a robot.
This is what I know.
I have opinions on several things that sets me apart from everyone. My personality is strong enough that I could ask a girl on a date and not break down from being too nervous. And I have been asked on occasion what it's like to be a 6/10 (true story, one time I was compared to a garden gnome by a very rude little girl in Olive Garden).
Here are a few of those opinions.
1. I absolutely hate when people call me rich. Seriously, if you come to my house and call me rich I will backhand you through a granite wall (that's a joke, they're all made out of the same stuff everyone else has)
2. Football is literally the dumbest thing to ever be invented. We made a sport for big empty-headed people so they could stay out of trouble and then we pay said people for it. It's seriously stupid.
3. High School is probably one of the greatest things ever. I mean yeah homework sucks and some teachers are the spawn of Satan himself, but you have to admit that you look forward to hanging out with people in the one place that everyone gathers.
4. I don't want to live in America anymore. I applied to go to college in another country where I will have to pay a LOT more than I would have to here just so I can get away from the politics and social problems that America is having some serious struggles with.
I hope you don't agree with all of those.
Because if you did, I'd think that you were a robot.
I don't want to be Kyle Nelson teaching 12th graders things they should've learned at 12 years old.
I don't want to be Coach Schoonover with my bald head and big tall legs and a shirt I outgrew when I was like 10.
I don't want to be Greg Dean with two kids and a desk job at Adobe.
I don't want to be you.
I just want to be me.
peace out girl scout
Here's a few stupid jokes to brighten your day a bit
If we ever go to jail for taking music off YouTube, I hope they group us based on the genre of music we steal.
In May of last year, an American Airlines flying from Los Angeles to New York City made an unscheduled stop in Kansas City to offload a passenger, who wouldn't stop singing Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".
When I die, I want people I've done group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
I wish they made fertilizer for people who need to grow up.
"Hey girl you dropped something." "What?" "Your standards, hi I'm Tosh."
Have you ever seen someone get hit by a train?
When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute, I think it's strange how many couples take knives on a date.
If dinosaurs were so dumb explain to me how they had the foresight to die off before the Kardashians had a TV show?
"When I'm working, I don't have lunch until I'm certain that every person on set has had a chance to eat first."
-Anne Hathaway
on how she avoids being poisoned
How come there's Batman shampoo and no conditioner Gordon?
(Asking a girl on a date)
In May of last year, an American Airlines flying from Los Angeles to New York City made an unscheduled stop in Kansas City to offload a passenger, who wouldn't stop singing Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".
When I die, I want people I've done group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
I wish they made fertilizer for people who need to grow up.
"Hey girl you dropped something." "What?" "Your standards, hi I'm Tosh."
Have you ever seen someone get hit by a train?
When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute, I think it's strange how many couples take knives on a date.
If dinosaurs were so dumb explain to me how they had the foresight to die off before the Kardashians had a TV show?
"When I'm working, I don't have lunch until I'm certain that every person on set has had a chance to eat first."
-Anne Hathaway
on how she avoids being poisoned
I once cried in church because I thought that eternity in heaven would be so boring
How come there's Batman shampoo and no conditioner Gordon?
(Asking a girl on a date)
Me: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
Girl: Haha I'm North Korea
K HAVE A GOOD DAY DONT BE DEPRESSED BYE
Let's not complain about rich white people
Dear Dear Mormons,
Some people don't like going to church and are just hiding it so they don't get shunned
Don't judge people
Love
Me
Dear Paris
You smell funny
Love
Me
Dear Mom
I'm sorry your audition for Motab didn't go super well, but I still believe in you
I didn't listen to you singing the most boring genre of music for four years just to watch you quit
Keep going
Love
Me
P.s. opera music is boring, you should teach us how to rap
Dear Nelson
Sorry I'm in your class again
I just really wanted to give this creativity stuff a shot
If you get sick of my crap just tell me
K thanks bye
Love (within the legal limits between student and teacher)
Me
Dear former Communist Neighbors
I apologize for making you really mad
but you should've known that if you go head-to-head with three teenagers who really hate you,
you're going to have a bad time
So you shouldn't have been surprised or mad when one of us put a lawn chair in the middle of the road when you told us that we were impeding traffic.
We said sorry like twice and you just kept being a tool.
Sinceriously
Me
Dear Dad
No, I don't pay my friends
Love
Me
Dear High School
Don't tell two people they're dating that they look alike
Unless you know they're siblings
No one told Luke and Leia and look how that turned out
#awkward
From
Me
Dear Kid in front of Me
Pleeeeaaaasssseeee never complain about not having friends because I've tried saying hi to you for weeks now and you don't respond
Don't be that guy
From
Me
Dear PG
Nothing about you is that pleasant
They should rename you mediocre grove
Because all that's holding you up is Purple Turtle
From
Me
Dear Purple Turtle
Can I have free food for advertising?
From
Me
Dear LP
I like how your football team doesn't have entire seasons where they don't win a single game
and how you're so much more fun than junior high
Teachers, lighten up a little though,
then it'll be spot-on
Love
Me
K bye
Some people don't like going to church and are just hiding it so they don't get shunned
Don't judge people
Love
Me
Dear Paris
You smell funny
Love
Me
Dear Mom
I'm sorry your audition for Motab didn't go super well, but I still believe in you
I didn't listen to you singing the most boring genre of music for four years just to watch you quit
Keep going
Love
Me
P.s. opera music is boring, you should teach us how to rap
Dear Nelson
Sorry I'm in your class again
I just really wanted to give this creativity stuff a shot
If you get sick of my crap just tell me
K thanks bye
Love (within the legal limits between student and teacher)
Me
Dear former Communist Neighbors
I apologize for making you really mad
but you should've known that if you go head-to-head with three teenagers who really hate you,
you're going to have a bad time
So you shouldn't have been surprised or mad when one of us put a lawn chair in the middle of the road when you told us that we were impeding traffic.
We said sorry like twice and you just kept being a tool.
Sinceriously
Me
Dear Dad
No, I don't pay my friends
Love
Me
Dear High School
Don't tell two people they're dating that they look alike
Unless you know they're siblings
No one told Luke and Leia and look how that turned out
#awkward
From
Me
Dear Kid in front of Me
Pleeeeaaaasssseeee never complain about not having friends because I've tried saying hi to you for weeks now and you don't respond
Don't be that guy
From
Me
Dear PG
Nothing about you is that pleasant
They should rename you mediocre grove
Because all that's holding you up is Purple Turtle
From
Me
Dear Purple Turtle
Can I have free food for advertising?
From
Me
Dear LP
I like how your football team doesn't have entire seasons where they don't win a single game
and how you're so much more fun than junior high
Teachers, lighten up a little though,
then it'll be spot-on
Love
Me
K bye
I'm sick of 2015 and it's crap. Go home you're drunk.
My favorite birthday present I've ever gotten was stolen at the Legacy Center locker room in Lehi a few months after I got it.
It was Pokemon Sapphire, where I chose my starter Pokemon as Treecko and I went on an adventure to stop Team Magma.
A few years later I got a toolbox for my birthday.
A few years later a bike.
A few years later a crappy laptop.
A few years later a court order.
I miss when I didn't have to be crazy or stupid to get friends, when all I needed was a grilled cheese sandwich and my best friend. I miss when I could get away with wearing pajamas under my clothes to school because they just felt comfy. I miss when someone would happily call me "sir" without asking me to leave. I miss digging a hole to China with my neighbors before they went crazy.
I bought another Pokemon game this year, and I'm not kidding when I say that I cried when I got a Treecko. I want to go back so bad. I want to be a kid again with nothing but a grilled cheese sandwich and my best friend.
It was Pokemon Sapphire, where I chose my starter Pokemon as Treecko and I went on an adventure to stop Team Magma.
A few years later I got a toolbox for my birthday.
A few years later a bike.
A few years later a crappy laptop.
A few years later a court order.
I miss when I didn't have to be crazy or stupid to get friends, when all I needed was a grilled cheese sandwich and my best friend. I miss when I could get away with wearing pajamas under my clothes to school because they just felt comfy. I miss when someone would happily call me "sir" without asking me to leave. I miss digging a hole to China with my neighbors before they went crazy.
I bought another Pokemon game this year, and I'm not kidding when I say that I cried when I got a Treecko. I want to go back so bad. I want to be a kid again with nothing but a grilled cheese sandwich and my best friend.
THE BRO CODE
THE BRO CODE
Player 1 belongs to whoever owns the
console.
If a bro dies while lifting, put more
weight on the bar, then call 911.
Shotgun is a responsibility, not a
privilege. If you are sitting up front, you’re not a passenger, you’re the
co-pilot.
Don’t throw a bro under the bus to impress
someone. Ever.
Be polite around your buddy’s lady friend,
but when he asks what you think, lay the truth on him like a ten ton slab.
Unless it’s super busy, there must always
be a one urinal buffer between men in a restroom.
Bros before hoes does not include birthdays
and dates. Your bros are off limits on those days.
All groceries go from the vehicle to the house
in one trip. It does not matter how many bags there are.
Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
There are specific rules to the “head nod”
when greeting another male. If you know them nod up, if you don’t you nod down.
SO
There they are!
Feel free to comment on your thoughts and any/all rules i may have missed
maybe I'll edit the post to include them if they're really good
Tosh
what ever happened to those days
There's a picture of me that my mom loves, so much so that she had it framed.
I'm in disneyland, looking at the camera, my siblings are on a ride, and im having the time of my life
Wearing a little red mickey mouse hat with the ears sticking off either side
What ever happened to those days
At 6 years old I was more worried about training Charmander than how smart I was in school
At 7 years old I was more worried about being nice than standing up for myself
At 8 years old I was more worried about making friends than keeping them
At 9 years old I was more worried about my cowlick than my twitter account
At 10 years old I was worried.
I haven't been the same since I was around 10 years old
when i started to have problems with social anxiety
and it didn't help that my older brother was my worst enemy
It's been a rollercoaster for a long time
and i dont know when im getting off
I wish we could turn back time, back to when none of this mattered.
I want to be standing in Disneyland with my mom
waiting for my siblings to get out of the teacups
constantly smiling
wearing a little red mickey mouse hat with the ears sticking off either side
I Wish
(Let's play pretend here for a minute)
'I am a magical genie, and I will grant you three wishes.'
I have as much time as I want to decide what I should get.
There are so many things that I want in life, half of which I have to wish for to get
-I wish I was taller. I'm insecure about my height because I'm 5'9 and I want to be 5'10
-I wish my hair wouldn't be on point one day, and then make me look like trailer-trash the next
-I wish psychics weren't bull crap and that they were cheap to go to
-I wish Donald Trump wouldn't attempt to ruin the country
-I wish psychics weren't bull crap and that they were cheap to go to
-I wish Donald Trump wouldn't attempt to ruin the country
-I wish I could graduate early equipped with all the knowledge and resources to get me through the rest of my life
-I wish people wouldn't assume that I'm going on a mission
-I wish that the conversations with my dad wouldn't just be "good morning" and "good night"
-I wish I knew who wrote 'Dear Mormons'
-I wish that teachers wouldn't look down on us
-I wish that the jocks would grow their hearts back sooner
-I wish that teachers wouldn't look down on us
-I wish that the jocks would grow their hearts back sooner
-I wish I could put the thoughts in my head into english
-I wish I could, just for one day, be alive
-I wish I could, just for one day, be alive
I can't tell all of these to the genie, because there's more than 3, and I bet there's a few that he probably couldn't accomplish.
"Can I wish for more wishes?"
'No you cannot'
"I wish I could."
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